My blog about Patti-from Tara’s myspace
September 27, 2007 - Thursday
My dear fried Patti
Current mood: crushed
This blog is about my friend, Patti Crispino. Patti lost her battle with breast cancer on November 8th 2005, just 6 days after her 41st birthday. I am not writing this blog about Patti’s experiences with anyone other than myself as she has touched sooo many that there wouldn’t be enough pages in the world to fill all of these memories, I am writing this blog to share my experiences with this amazing person that touched my life so much when she was alive and maybe to figure out why I am still greiving her. Hopefully by the end of this I will have answered my own question. Today, I went to her website www.patticrispino.com. I have been there several times, just to reminisce and look at her beautiful face and her wonderful daughter that she left behind when she was just 6. Patti and I met when my son, Tommy, started Kindergarten. Tommy and Isabella (Patti’s daughter) were friends and even more so, I found a friend in Patti. When Patti and I first met, I wasn’t too familiar with her illness as she never spoke of it or let me know the impending doom of a friendship that I was entering. Looking back, it was anything but doomed but I’m sure you know why I use that analogy. She was going to leave me, inevitably, and that she did. Patti and I would show up everyday to send our little angels off to school on the bus and talk for hours (always running late for something) but our conversations were great and never-ending. Any advice I would seek, she knew the answer and I always felt better afterwards. Tears stream down my face as I write this because it is raw emotion and I would give anything to wrap my arms around her and tell her just how much she meant to me just one more time. Not just one more time, I want her back now and I want her back forever, I know it’s selfish of me but I can’t help it. I apologize if this is random but my point shall come in the end. I remember Patti laughing at me one day because I wore my flip flops with socks to the bus stop…she thought it was hysterical so what do you know…the next day, Patti shows up to the bus stop with socks and flip flops on her own feet…to think she cared enough to make me laugh that day melts my heart. Thank you for that memory, Patti, I’ll always treasure those times. As our friendship progressed, Patti showed up at the bus stop one day with her tummy a little swollen. I joked to her that she was pregnant. I was about to get the shock of my life when I found out exactly what this was and why and how many trips to the hospital to get drained that this would eventually lead to.
I was kind of a recluse, never really wanted to go out so much, just kinda a homebody….Patti refused to let me be…ha! She included me in on many nights of wonderful fun in the city, in Media, down the beach even just out to dinner. Every single time, I remember. Patti would call and I would TRY to make up an excuse to skip out but I was not allowed. Patti made sure if she was having fun, I was right there next to her. Her illness never stopped her from having a good time, EVER. I have never seen anything like it.
Patti started chemotherapy, first it started off lightly. One time, only Patti and I will understand why but she took me to a dr’s appointment and of course, she knows someone there. We left there and had a beer and talked. I always asked Patti questions like “what’s next” and she always answered with an “I don’t know”. She continued to undergo draining and chemotherapy. At first, she didn’t lose her hair but eventually, it all fell out. Her gorgeous Auburn locks were no more but she rocked a scarf on her head like noone you have ever seen. Somedays, Patti was too sick to pick up Isabella so I would pick her up and take her home with me to play with Tommy. She would always ask for her mommy even though she loved spending time with us. Patti was the only person there for me any time of the day or night for anything. When I would stay with Patti, we would watch movies and laugh, smoke cigarettes (yup), talk, I would cry about my problems sometimes and now I look back and think, what in the hell were you doing you jerk, here is your friend, dying and your crying about your own problems…but she wouldn’t want it any other way. She was a helper, a great thinker and one of the bravest people I have ever known. I met many of her friends and we all became like family. She met Chuck, the man who would eventually hold her while she took her last breath, at the bar that we would go to on Saturday nights. I was there that night. I shared that first chance meeting with this stranger that would eventually become her rock.
As time went by quickly, we all tried to huddle around Patti, time was short and we all knew it. She pulled through alot but she was not going to pull through this. This was it. We planned a trip to Wildwood, NJ..one of Patti’s favorite places. I have honestly never had so much fun in my life. There was so much love and help and kindness and she was THERE to see us all. This was her celebration of life, this is what she wanted, not a funeral but a life with all of her friends in one place while she was still here. We made that happen and I am forever greatful that I was there. Shortly, thereafter, things got worse, Patti started to wilt but never her personality. Her birthday, 6 days before her death, I gave her a candle and a poem, one that her mother still has. She was very weak but still able. Then she went into the hospital. I went to see her. Never did I think it would be the last time. When I was leaving, her sister and Chuck told me to give her a kiss, she was sleeping. I told them I didn’t want to wake her but they insisted and I gave her the last kiss I would ever have the chance to feel her warm. She awoke and said I’ll see you at my house tomorrow as they were letting her go from the hospital to die at home, they gave her 3 days…..she made it 1. I NEVER got that chance to go to her house and see her until after she was gone. I remember calling and one of her friends telling me the news as I was on my way over her house. I have never cried so hard in my entire life. My heart was broken, along with many other people. However, this is my story and my peice of her that I hold dear.
When I looked at Patti’s website today, I saw a picture of her headstone that her mother had an artist working on for over a year. I was so honored, shocked, sad, happy, humble, hysterical and crushed all at the same time. There on her tombstone, is a picture of her friends, and I am one of them. Etched in stone, forever and eternity, I am Patti’s friend and always will be. That is such an honor, I can’t even put it into words. Patti I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH ALWAYS AND FOREVER. I know you’ve come to me in my dreams and we share something that many people didn’t even know but we knew it. We were best friends as you held each of your best friends dear, I will always hold you close to my heart. And so this song plays, as you wanted at your funeral, one of the hardest days of my life, this was your spirit and I will always remember it. Words can’t describe how I really feel but this is my best. Through all this heartbreak, you still shine bright in my mind.
I love you Patti Crispino,
RIP
Tara
If anyone wants to contribute to breast cancer, in honor of Patti or any other loved ones who have been affected by breast cancer please visit http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY08SouthAtlantic/1657937089?pg=team&fr_id=3549&team_id=113370 and help us all find a cure.
Currently listening :
U2 - The Best of 1990-2000
By U2
Release date: 12 November, 2002
